These are notes on each of the book's chapters, in order. I've sometimes included quotes that I found interesting but which may not contribute directly to that chapter's purpose. Sometimes I've included just the chapter's principle. Other times, I've included quotes that I came across in the middle of the chapter that I found to be sufficient for that chapter's principle.
I found the book somewhat repetitive this time 'round, but I'd still recommend it to just about anyone. Many of its principles are plain gold in my experience.
These notes are for my personal reference, but I thought I'd share them in case they're helpful for anyone else. I plan to return to these notes in the future instead of re-reading the book again.
- Don't criticize anyone.
- Don't speak badly of anyone (Ben Franklin's practice).
- Appreciation is sincere, flattery is not.
- Appreciation should drive a feeling of importance.
- Appreciation should be used in place of criticism.
- "Every man I meet is my superior in some way. In that, I learn of him." -Emerson
- "If there is any one secret of success, it lies in the ability to get the other person's point of view and see things from that person's angle as well as from your own" - Henry Ford
- When attempting to motivate, arouse in others an eager want.
- "I am grateful because these people come to see me. They make it possible for me to make my living in a very agreeable way. I'm going to give them the very best I possibly can." - magician Howard Thurston. I see this applying to anyone who provides you any type of service, not just your audience or customer.
- "We are interested in others when they are interested in us." - Roman poet Publilius Syrus
- Emulate the human-translatable appeal of a dog or puppy that's excited to see you. Paraphrasing the book, "Who isn't cheerful when they see their dog sprinting to greet them?"
- Smile lots. It costs nothing but creates much.
- Remember names and use them often.
- Using someone's name in an initial conversation will help you remember that person's name.
- "Exclusive attention to the person who is speaking to you is very important." - Harvard president Charles W. Eliot
- "Encourage them to talk about themselves and their accomplishments."
- Talk in terms of the other person's interests.
- Always keep in mind the "golden rule".
- A flip on being able to learn something from everyone is that other people generally recognize that you can learn from them and will enjoy your recognition of that ability and the opportunity to share their knowledge with you.
- "He got his feeling of importance by loudly asserting his authority..." but that was replaced when the other person recognized his professional skill/knowledge.
- "Perhaps this disagreement is your opportunity to be corrected before you make a serious mistake."
- "If you are going to prove something, don't let anybody know it."
- "... most of our so-called reasoning consists in finding arguments for going on believing as we already do."
- Never say "you're wrong."
- Admit being wrong quickly and emphatically.
- Begin in a friendly way.
- Get the other person saying "yes, yes" immediately.
- Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.
- Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.
- Try honestly to see things from the other person's point of view.
- Be sympathetic with the other person's ideas and desires.
- "If you are satisfied with the results you are now getting, why change? If you are not satisfied, why not experiment?"
- Appeal to the nobler motives.
- Dramatize your ideas. Think dumping a bag of creams on a conference room table.
- "The way to get things done is to stimulate competition... in the desire to excel."
- "Lawes liked the idea of attempting a job that called for someone 'big.'"
- "That is what every successful person loves: the game. The chance for self-expression. The chance to prove his or her worth, to excel, to win." --> feeling of importance resulting from challenge.
- Begin with praise and honest appreciation.
- 'And' > 'but' when offering a suggestion for improvement.
- Call attention to people's mistakes indirectly.
- "It isn't nearly so difficult to listen to a recital of your faults if the person criticizing begins by humbly admitting that he, too, is far from impeccable."
- "People are more likely to accept an order if they have had a part in the decision that caused the order to be issued."
- Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.
- "Let the other person save face."
- "Everybody likes to be praised, but when praise is specific, it comes across as sincere - not something the other person may be saying just to make one feel good."
- "Yes, you who are reading these lines possess powers of various sorts which you habitually fail to use; and one of these powers you are probably not using to the fullest extent is your magic ability to praise people and inspire them with a realization of their latent possibilities."
- "Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement."
- "... if you want to improve a person in a certain aspect, act as though that particular trait were already one of his or her outstanding characteristics."
- Said another way... "Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to."
- "Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct."
- "Always make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest."
- When changing attitudes or behavior: 1) be sincere; concentrate on the benefits to the other person, 2) know exactly what it is you want the other person to do, 3) be empathetic; ask yourself what the other person wants, 4) consider the benefits that person will receive from doing what you suggest, 5) match those benefits to the other person's wants, 6) present matching benefit when conveying the request